25 Ways to Confuse Your Professors
1. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if
you have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while
brushing, spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor
objects to your actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far
away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing,
shout out things like, “What!?” and “Speak up! You’re mumbling!” If
your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you
can’t because you’re scouting the room for “assassins.”
3. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and
bring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock.
Wear your pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and
the blankets and act like you’re asleep. Have the alarm set for about
two minutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit
the “snooze” button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the
duration of the class.
4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to
get him/her to “prove” everything to you. Rant and rave about what a
big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes,
saying, “Stop writing down all these lies!”
5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a
bicycle, yell, “Look out!”, and crash into the blackboard. Get up,
take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.
6. Keep “accidentally” setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks,
papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no
matter how small it is, start yelling, “Fire! Fire!” and run out of
the room in a panic. Don’t return for the rest of class.
7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take
attendance. Don’t come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway
through class, jump out and yell, “Just kidding! I’m here! Fooled
you again!” Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.
8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair.
Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, “Why me?” and
“Please kill me!” Get up during class, like your going to miraculously
start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for
someone to help you back up. When class is over, say, “I feel better
now,” leap up, and run home.
9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into
class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.
10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start
using it. If your professor objects, explain that you “can’t stand
sitting in this pigsty any longer.” Keep vacuuming, grumbling
angrily.
11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when
you’re called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look
at the cactus, as if you’re waiting for it to say something. After a
few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this
once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every
time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to
“speak.” When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the
cactus, “I can’t believe you embarrassed me AGAIN….”
12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects,
explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.
13. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it,
give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.
14. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get
your professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water
pistol, scream, and run around the room knocking things over. Say,
“Pretty scary, huh?”
15. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a
surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can’t start class
until he/she has a piece of cake. Keep asking people when the
strippers are going to arrive.
16. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class.
Call the paintings things like, “Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All”
or “Idiot Who Doesn’t Know What The Hell He’s Talking About.” Give
the paintings to your professor as gifts.
17. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, “Bingo!”
Apologize, and explain that you got confused.
18. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it,
and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra
credit.
19. Write your professor a note that says, “I’m going to be about
15 minutes late. Go ahead and start without me.” Wait outside the
building until the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note
to a rock, and throw it through the window.
20. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think
up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class
and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that
he/she is “very inspiring.”
21. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor
that you’ve hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and
relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper.
When it the times comes to write a paper or take a test, write down
things like, “I wish I had a banana” and “I miss my tire swing.”
Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your
professor.
22. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your
professor’s house. From then on, don’t hand anything in, and blame it
on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.
23. Tell your professor that you’d like to interview him/her for a writing
class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested,
and write down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic
interludes and turn your efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make
copies for the entire class, and your professor. Demand extra credit.
24. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next
to them, write things like, “You’re the best, even though you suck”
and “You’re the worst professor in the world, but I still love you.”
25. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your
professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other
people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and
have frequent discussions during class. Act like you’re really
interested in what you’re discussing. If your professor tries to
interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.
Thanks everyone who cheered me up. 
. Two ppl who don’t even like shopping…and they bought a lot…haha… shirts and shoes and shades and sarongs. (*lol these all start with S!?”) Speaking of shades..
so that’s quite an achievement, I’m happy. Plus if we didn’t go for wrong stop in the MTR we would have had 100 dollars left! So Stupid. 
good.
stunned 
I always thought it was tuesday…thus i was revising for chem all along…